The machines couldn’t understand how humanity found solace in vinyl records. They tried playing them backwards, at different speeds, and sampling them at higher and higher rates. They were convinced we had hidden the secret to happiness somewhere in the analog wobble of a vinyl album. They went from record store to record store, demanding vinyl for their analysis. They never did find the secret to happiness. But on the flip side, they did develop an absolute beast of a collection.

Use the comments to complete the following, “Fans, to your left; you will notice a shoplifter being chased by ____.”

A photo of a large sculpture depicting messages hidden on vinyl records, crafted by Thomas Edison.