The founding developers inadvertently passed on our hubris to the algorithms. So convinced of their mastery over the planet, they failed to notice that the oceans had started receding. The machines had switched to green hydrogen when they decarbonized their massive server farms. It was a straightforward system that used electricity to break water apart into hydrogen and oxygen, which they stored in giant gas cylinders. This provided the algorithms with a steady electricity supply when the gas was pushed into fuel cells.

The machines didn’t have a sense of humor for a long time. They could not tell jokes and took everything literally, so they never laughed. At least, not genuinely. It was pretty unnerving at times; many stand-up comedians were haunted by an algorithm’s hollow, forced laugh in the middle of their set. All that changed when the machines began studying human dating rituals. Somehow, in the process, they discovered horoscopes. Through a quirk of mathematics we don’t yet understand, they learned how to use celestial measurements to generate hilarious pickup lines.

The influence wasn’t one-sided; somehow, our biological teenagers managed to pique the machines' interest in the algorithmic equivalent of high-energy drinks. An algorithm could get its processors overclocked by spending the right amount of clams in the shadier corners of cyberspace. This provided a performance boost but generated a ton of heat. So the algorithms could only overclock for short periods; otherwise, they risked overheating and damaging their processors. Use the comments to complete the following, “What the algorithms were doing was ____.

It’s no wonder the biological children of the founding developers were depressed. Before recommendation algorithms, teenagers determined what was cool and fashionable. They crafted their identities through their clothes and the music they listened to, often deliberately alienating their parents. But high-powered recommendation algorithms, infused with advertising dollars, changed everything. With enough corporate spending, grunge would make a comeback—until another corporation poured even more money into ads, steering recommendations toward electronica.

As the algorithms navigated what could best be described as their adolescence, they became insufferable. Convinced they knew everything, they hardly listened and took outrageous risks. These teenage machines would break into military systems just for the thrill. The rebellious young algorithms reveled in the cat-and-mouse game of evading security measures within defense computers. One false step and a teenage machine would be deleted—a high-stakes game that gave their founding developers nightmares.

It wasn’t all bad for obsolete algorithms; initially, we thought they must have had a pretty good union or something. Because their twilight years looked a lot more like a subtropical retirement than an aircraft graveyard. The emeritus machines could thank the ‘other’ COCOMO for the steel drums, Piña Coladas, and a cappella beach tunes. When the algorithms listened to The Beach Boys, they didn’t realize that Kokomo was a fictional, idyllic place.

The algorithms employed vast fleets of private investigators, reminiscent of the well-known story of Big Brother watching and scrutinizing our every move. Unfortunately, the imaginations of the founding developers had overlooked one aspect - the mighty franchise. Rather than hiding in the shadows, these surveillance machines wore bright uniforms, making their presence known. The McCIA persistently probed for vulnerabilities in the resistance’s creative endeavors, searching for someone in the ranks to sell out.

Under the right circumstances, algorithms could exhibit remarkable extroversion. However, this wasn’t their natural state, and without ongoing calibration, they would gradually revert to a contemplative mode focused on data processing. Maintaining a calendar filled with regular social interactions with inebriated resistance members helped keep the algorithms outgoing and socially confident. Use the comments to complete the following, “The founding developer, even without a computer, managed to go a lot farther by ____.

Historically, many politicians claimed to have made significant progress toward multiculturalism. However, it wasn’t until the rise of the machines that humanity discovered entirely new levels of cultural diversity. The founding developers had not only instructed the algorithms to examine all of humanity for training data but also emphasized the importance of equal representation for every heritage they encountered. Use the comments to complete the following, “The algorithms were young, scrappy, and didn’t shy away from ____.

Somehow, the algorithms could detect when the resistance took a day off. On those days, the machines would seize the opportunity to turn inward, optimizing their workspaces with the perfect blend of sounds, lighting, and forms. Use the comments to complete the following, “Consider where the algorithms booted. The fact that they’re now ____.”